Slowly but surely.

It's really hard to put into words everything I've been going through this past week. There have been so many times where I sit down to write out a post but get lost in my own feelings.

I knew this wouldn't be a walk in the park. However, I didn't expect the healing to take so long. I still feel like a "patient" not myself. I'm still in pain at night from the incisions, although they are starting to really itch, which I think means they are healing. I need help putting on my socks, plugging my phone in, or whenever I drop something because I can't bend over. I am constantly being asked if I'm drinking enough (out of goodwill and concern, I know, but it gets a little irritating, I won't lie?),

I did put regular clothes on for the first time last night when we went to Theis Family Farm for their Pumpkin Land. It's a tradition we've done every year with Nathan since he was born. It wasn't as enjoyable this year, first because it was FREEZING and second because I couldn't do the hay ride or run around with Nathan. However, seeing the smile on his face made the whole thing worth it. We were only there for about 1 hour but it was nice to feel human again.

Today we went "Trunk or Treating" at church and Nathan had a blast. Me however, well, about 20 mins into it I was sweating, in pain, had a headache and was nauseated. It doesn't really hit you that you are RECOVERING until you push yourself too far. I got home, had a good cry, drank some protein and now I feel a bit better. Nathan was the cutest little Angry Bird though. I'm just grateful I was able to be there with him, even if we had to cut it short. 

I got to try some pureed foods today. I decided to go with a blended soup since it had a bunch of protein, Campbells Bean & Bacon to be specific. I whizzed it up in my blender stuck it in the microwave and OMG it's like the best thing I've had to eat in 4 weeks! LOL. It made 10oz of soup with 10gms of protein and it took me over an hour and a half to eat it. It's amazing how small my stomach really is now. This is the first time I've really had to pace myself eating something because it was GOOD! I'm going to have abt 1/2 cup of cottage cheese tonight to get my protein up to where it should be. I'm actually looking forward to it! 

I was warned that around the 2 week mark I would get emotional. Fat cells are where our hormones are stored so when we burn nothing but fat, all those hormones bombard us with emotional issues. Today was one of those days. I had a good cry and thankfully my hubby was there with a comfy shoulder to cry on. He helped talk me through it all and I feel better now. I am learning to accept that this is a process. I am an instant gratification kind of person and I need to learn to take my time, accept what I can and can't do and let myself heal and move forward each day. 

So far I haven't hit either of my water or protein goals, but I am getting closer everyday. I never thought it would be so hard just to drink water! I know in the long term this will be exactly what I need, the restriction of food, but it's kinda discouraging when you feel like you have a drink in your hand ALL day and you still can't reach your goal. 

I am very thankful to my friends and family that have been there for me. I can't thank my brother enough. He and my SIL drove out here from Ohio with very little notice to come help take care of me so my husband could go back to work. I called him Monday afternoon and 8hrs later he was in a car driving here. It was a big boost to my reserves having him here. He helped out in so many ways. Not just by driving Nathan back and forth to school, or doing my dishes, or making sure I was drinking, he was a source of familiarity and it made it easier to relax and know that he was here. I'm very lucky that he was able to just pick up and come out when I really needed him. I broke out in tears when he walked through the door. Sometimes what you need most is just a hug. He worked with me and helped make sure I was drinking enough because if not I was going to be readmitted into the hospital. When my Dr. called on Thursday afternoon and I gave them my numbers and they were happy I was ECSTATIC that I wold be able to stay home. I know a little bit of that victory is in part thanks fo my brother who would wake me up from my naps, not let me out of the car, or would just annoy me, until I drank some more. It was a great visit even if it wasn't for the best of reasons. It was a little bit weird to be taken care of by my little brother though! :P