Last day of my 20s

So here it is. My last day as a 20-something. I've been kind of pyschologicaly dreading this for awhile now. I'm not exactly sure why, but the thought of being 30 freaks me out a bit. Makes me feel significantly older than 29 for some reason. I know logically it makes no sense and a number is just a number, but if I was logical all the time I would be quite boring!

This year is going to be an amazing one. Sure I'm leaving my 20s behind, but I have so many things to look forward to this year:

I know by changing my lifestyle and having this surgery that I am only adding many more years to my life. So many more experiences, trips, challenges and just time with my family. This, those added years, were the best 30th birthday present I could have ever given myself. I am proud of myself for all that I have done so far and I have never been more excited for my future. I making this the "Year of Kicking Ass" and I won't let ANY number defeat me. Not my age or my weight. As NKOTB has told me since I was just a little girl, "You're still young, Age is just a number, Don't you stop having fun."

The dreaded "Is your meal ok?"

So at nearly 4.5 months post-op I've gone out to eat a handful of times with my husband and son. We don't go out often and we only go to specific restaurants that have "friendly" food for me. (Red Robin has been great, they have an awesome spicy chicken breast I always get there.) Anyways, LOL!  Portions today are HUGE. There is no question about that:

 I obviously can't eat all my plate they bring me and I eat slowly so I ALWAYS get the worried faced server that comes back to the table asking me if "everything is ok with my meal" or "did you not like such and such?". It's kind of uncomfortable and awkward.

I eat what portion I allow myself and only dense protein with maybe a bite of vegetable and am content taking my leftovers home and having them for lunch AND dinner the next day. I feel like it's almost the "walk of shame" when they come up to you with their "oh no, she's not eating it" face and I never know what to say. I politely just say "yes it's good" and hope they leave. LOL! Just one of those things I guess I have to deal with now. 

What did surprise me is that my plate tonight was so huge portion wise and I just sat there looking at it thinking before surgery I would have eaten this ENTIRE plate, had an appetizer to myself AND desert. Now that same plate is GINORMOUS to me and feeds me for 3 meals!! 

The amount of restriction my new stomach gives me is an amazing tool. With any tool though, if used improperly your end results will not come out right. Sure I could eat anything I want, but I don't. I follow a very strict high protein and low carb diet. I aim to get 80gms of protein a day and under 40gms of carbs per day. Those numbers would not be attainable eating just anything. Before I put anything in my mouth my inner voice asks me "Does this have protein in it? Does it fit in your carb allotment for the day? Is is worth the calories for the amount of protein?" On any given day I get about 600-650 calories a day now and I have to work to get that many because I eat very clean foods. Some days my restriction really kicks in and I struggle to hit my goals. 

Overall though my relationship with food has evolved so much in the past 4 months. I still have times where I have to remind myself to take the "emotions" out of food but I am working on that and those experiences are fewer and fewer. I think just going out to eat tonight got me thinking about food and how I relate to it now and I thought I would share those thoughts with you.